


"Farewell"

by kokedgy



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 04:58:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11639400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokedgy/pseuds/kokedgy
Summary: Allen's friends died in the war that came to an end. Neither Exorcists nor Noah have won or lost the war. However, Allen was the only survivor.Daily life has always been quite a mess for him, but now his body has shown trouble to adapt to his situation.





	"Farewell"

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first "real" AU! -nervous laughter-  
> This is my one of my imaginations of how the ending could end.  
> I really hope it doesn't seem off!

Allen earns his livings through street performing as a clown, just like he used to do when he was a child. Having lost every single friend, he still keeps on living. The reason for that are Mana’s words: “Don’t stop - keep walking”.  
At this moment, these words are more of a curse rather than an encouragement - a curse just like his left eye, also given by Mana.

That really hits the mark. Allen used to enjoy entertaining people, but now he feels indifferent. The performances exhausts him and burdens his body. He can't find it fun, it reminds him of things he would like not to be reminded of.

Sometimes, Allen needs to rest once in a while. He rarely lets that happen, though. However, his body is yearning for sleep right now, so he had to make an expection.

And everytime he makes this expection, he always gets lost in deep thoughts.

“I will fight to save the Akuma. I will fight to protect humanity.” these were the paths Allen has sworn himself to follow.

As he's walking down the street, he stops in front of an advertisement poster for a circus, which states they are recruiting members. Allen reaches out for the poster and slightly touches it, pressing his hand and head against the poster.

\---- He hasn’t just lost his friends, but his very reasons to live.

Allen loosens his grip and takes his hands off the poster. He steps back and looks at it with empty eyes.

“Mana.. we were just an abadoned child and a Pierrot. That’s who we were, that’s what we were supposed to be. And yet, that wasn’t the case.”

Allen turns around and faces the poster backwards. Step by step, he is moving away from it.

He keeps advancing forward as he continues to walk down the street - just like Mana’s words told him to. No matter what happened, Allen would still love Mana. At least he thought he would, but after all the things that happened, he doesn’t know what to think about Mana anymore. He doesn’t know how to feel about Mana anymore.

What was Mana? Who was Mana? Ever since the war has ended, Allen was heavily bothered by these questions. What was with this tiny bit of doubt in Allen's thoughts?

It's almost like he drowned himself in his thoughts, as he couldn't even notice the child pointing at his white hair.

A faint, distant memory resurfaces in Allen's mind.

“Kid, I told you to not get close to Mana, didn’t I?”  
“Don’t forget, this is all because of you.” 

After remembering these words, something breaks into Allen's train of thought.  
His pupils shrink - the slow process of realization. Allen's voice is shivering.

“This is all because of me?”  
“My friends died, because of me?”  
“Mana ended up like that... because of me?”

Shaken up, Allen slows down his walking pace. He is walking sluggishly, like it's a drag to walk on his own two feet.

\---- “Don’t stop, keep walking.”  
he keeps remembering.

His whole body is shivering. It's like something opened a door to the thoughts he kept himself from thinking. He really just didn't want to accept reality. 

For what reason did Mana tell him these words? Did Mana know what was going to happen to Allen? Or was he just giving back the words his brother told him in his dying breath? 

Allen can't properly sort his thoughts out. The thought that Mana and his dead friends are connected to each other makes him feel uneasy. He is scared hat this really could've been the case.

More exhausted than he was before, Allen takes a break. He sits down nearby a street performer, at a comfortable distance. Watching from the sides, his lifeless eyes focus on the clown’s performance. He performed with a child, presumably eight to ten years old - Allen wasn’t really sure, but watching these two in harmony made him remember how things used to be. 

He can’t help but mumble what is on his mind. 

\---- “Ah, I used to do that too with Mana...”

His voice is trembling. It doesn’t just feel nostalgic, it also feels painful. 

Allen's eyes are filling with tears. Overcome with sorrow, he bites his lower lip.

The young boy who went through so much trouble and had to repress his feelings to make a living couldn’t repress them anymore.

Broken down, he pulls his knees towards his chest, rests his arms on them and grips his jeans as his tears won't stop falling down, wetting the material on his knees.

“Mana, everyone!” he wheeps.

It was already enough for him to lose his father at a young age - especially through such circumstances. He found the happiness that he subconsciously yearned for, and yet it was crushed again. It was as if nobody wanted him to become happy.

Allen’s feelings are starting to overwhelm him as he begins to bawl.

"I'm sorry."  
"If only I hadn't made that mistake!"  
"If only I had given up on that!"

Remorse has overcome his thoughts. His heart tightens and throbs - as if it wanted to espace from the cage that are Allen’s thoughts. He feels deeply guilty about not having listened to his master’s words. He has felt this regret before - back in his childhood, when that accident with Mana happened - No. That’s not entirely true. This time, it’s stronger and more expressive. This regret takes the form of his old trauma and intensifies it.

Its presence is absolutely crushing. After all, it’s what made him lose his friends. 

"This.. is entirely my fault.. I'm sorry.. Mana.."  
"I'm sorry.. everyone.."

Allen stares at the ground with dull eyes. His tears have stopped falling. 

"I need.. to sleep.."

He gets up carefully, only to lose his balance on the next second. 

The exhaustion is becoming unbearable. Without a home, getting proper rest is nearly impossible for Allen. As he is searching the streets for a peaceful corner, his mind goes blank for a second. He falters. the search for a quiet, peaceful place to get his energy back has gone on too long.

"Ah.."

His view locks the park bench. Not ideal, but as long as he didn’t have to sleep on the cold ground, it was enough for him.

"Finally... something to rest on."

Allen walks to the park bench, slowly takes a seat and releases a big sigh. 

"What a day..."

He keeps remembering Mana’s words.

\---- “Don’t stop. Keep walking.”

“Haha,” Allen laughs, “I never.. stopped walking,” he reassures Mana “just as you told me to..” as he finished what he wanted to say with the last amount of his strength, he closed his eyes and fell into the land of dreams.

These were the last words Allen ever spoke. He then was never able to take a step forwards again. His time has stopped - he was given the rest he needed.

Allen never stopped moving forwards, though that was most likely because Mana's words told him not to. He was chained down to the promise he made with his adoptive father. He was not able to live like he really wanted. But Allen hasn't realized that. 

Even though he went through so much suffering, he died with a peaceful smile. No matter what, he continued to love Mana. Mana gave him a reason to live, and Allen was grateful for that.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope I made it clear from the beginning that Allen had some kind of illness that made him die a natural death in the end. When I thought about theories in DGM, I started to.. think about an actual ending. I had (and still have) a lot of ideas, but I chose this one. It just seems so fitting?  
> Not only that neither Exorcists nor Noah did win or lose, but also how Allen continued to live his life alone. I think a natural death will fit him a lot more than a death in battle.  
> You see, Allen has always been struggling with his life - finding his way, precious things, etc. He is always suffering, that's why a natural death seems so peaceful to me. If Allen died in a battle, just how much in pain would his soul be?  
> Also, in this AU Allen died in the same way Mana died. Not from the same illness, but both died naturally. I think that adds so much (more) meaning to his death here. 
> 
> Though, hopefully it didn’t end up getting out of character.. ;;sweats;;


End file.
